Ouch

My poor Brooke got the cat dropped on her head this morning by Megan. The whole left , no wait, the whole right side of her face is scratched. It damn near scratched her in the eye! I took a picture of Brooke last night. I LOVE LOVE it! Actually, it was a series of photos of her. The one I love. the others... I don't know how to say this. In the other shots, she looks so 'normal'-for Brooke. Quirky, goofy, making weird faces, half smiles etc. To me they are good but I just don't show them. I have shown them to a few people who comment on how she doesn't look happy or my timing was "off". No sir. My timing wasn't off. She's autistic. SHE'S off. Well, sort of. It's so hard to know that your child isn't what people perceive as normal. I have recently learned to take picture and capture Brooke. Screw trying to capture what everyone else my see as cute. It's just been a journey for me to accept that she has autism, deal with it and then embrace it. I keep trying to tell myself HA! Maybe they were wrong. Maybe she doesn't have autism! She isn't doing "A" anymore and hardly does 'B" anymore.. and no sooner do I say that and she'll completely act wacko, have a melt down, posture, stim, etc... I don't know why I hold out hope. I don't know what's so wrong with how she is. Well, that's not true. I do know what's wrong. What's wrong is the unknown. How will she grow up? How will she manage? Will she mature? Will she be self-sufficient? I mean, as parents, we only want what is best for our kids right? You want them to "be all they can be" without sounding too Army'ish. Well,that's all I want too!
I feel like sometimes I got the shit end of the deal. Why do I get the autistic little girl with the severe kidney disorder, topped off with learning disabilities. Why did I get HER and then also 2 more with health, mental, learning issues. I can't understand what my own kids say most of the time. I laugh at it. But inside it hurts. I just want to be able to hold a conversation. Nathan has started to say Jackhole. He's not sure if you're a jackass or an asshole. But because he can't "talk" he says you a jah-ho. Cute. funny.. but to me? Sad. He's over 4!! He can't say squat!
I have to ground myself and remember that it could be way worse. Maybe they can't talk at all. A lot of autistic kids are nonverbal. Let's count my blessings. At least Brooke has never needed a transplant... At least they can run, walk, ride a bike, etc. They can't count the bikes, but they can ride them :) At least they are here. I mean some parents lose their kids and would give anything to have them back even if it means dealing with the issues I have. So how big are my issues? Really small I guess in comparison to what they could be.

Well I guess I'm whining...I'm going to go figure out what's wrong with my TV...

Hi Yall!

(That was said in my most extreme attempt at a southern accent. I think I'm getting the hang of this southern thing. I could almost pretend to sound like them every once in a while. Although, last Thursday I went to Anthonys parent breakfast at the school. Some kid came over and said SOMETHING to me but I had no idea what he was saying. I'm not sure if I should learn spanish or southern. Hell, at this rate, i can't talk to any of my neighbors. My one set of neighbors are from Virginia. They even speak 'southern' anymore. LOL I hear it in the kids every so often and if I say something with the slightest twang-- the kids and Charlie are QUCIK to point it out LOL AHhh such is life.

It's "alright" out today. It's 63. Tomorrow it's supposed to be like 46? with some sleet. Holy heck?!? Tomorrow?!?!? That's when charlie gets home! Hopefully he'll be able to get home alright. Tonight is American Idol. I'm such a junkie. Monday i voted for Nikko Smith. My favorites never win. I like Nikko.He's just good. Anwar is good and so is Scott. Mario is good, too. But, I just feel like he should be in Michael Jacksons band or something. We already have a Justin Timberlake, what do we need him for? And with Anthony Federov? We have Clay-- no thanks, we don't need two. I say Scott, Nikko and Anwar. THat's who I like. For girls? Totally Carrie Underwood. Remember when Paula said that one guy did James Brown better than James Brown? Well, Carrie does Martina McBride BETTER than Martina McBride. She's just GOOD! I also voted for that blonde Jessica. I have issues with her. She looks just like a girl that I was dumped for in 9th grade. LOL But she can sing!

Until next time---


Standing Right Next To Me
by Karla Bonoff

:
Love is like the wind,
Sometimes it blows your way,
And until now
It missed me somehow.

But when I turned around
I saw you standing there.
The sound of your voice-
I had no choice.

I used to have a wish
One day I'd feel like this.
Now I know love exists
'Cause it's standing right next to me.

Beneath the moon tonight
I see it in your eyes
No more false starts,
No more broken hearts.

I used to have a wish
One day I'd feel like this.
Now I know love exists
'Cause it's standing right next to me.

Even in the dark,
Even when you're gone
I feel you in my heart.
I used to have a wish

One day I'd feel like this.
Now I know love exists
'Cause it's standing right next to me.
Standing right next to me.

Clean Sweep

I think Clean Sweep should come to my house. My desk is somewhere under this paper. Who even knows where the remote control is for the surround sound. Ya pay all this friggin money for stupid stereo stuff and you can't work it because no one has a clue where the remote is. I am starting to think there are little goblins in the couch that eat things. Remotes and socks must be their favorite. How can I have 2343243 pairs of socks and lost the other sock to every single match? Hell, I love summer. flip slops. No sock matching. yeah baby. life made easy!

Today is Nathan's Valentines party. Tomorrow he goes to the circus. I think Charlie may be going with him. I think he'll enjoy that. It's either that or he goes to school with Brooke and Megan. I'm not a huge fan of Valentines Day. It's never been my favorite holiday. What a rip off. Flower shops jack prices up of roses and men think women love chocolate. It's really a conspiracy to get us fat. I'm not even a chocolate fan. There are a few things I like but I could do with out it. I'd much rather have something with meaning. None of this superficial media stuff.

OH I KNOW!!! I forgot to say that I BOUGHT TIM MCGRAW TICKETS!! Yeah baby!!! I have 4 right now. He's coming to Allentown Sept 3, 2005. Bet your ass I'm so there. Today is another presale so I'm going to see if I can get better seats. I'm so prepared to spend a billion dollars.
If you're going to go, make it count right? :)


You Raise Me Up
by Josh Groban

When I am down and, oh my soul, so weary;
When troubles come and my heart burdened be;
Then, I am still and wait here in the silence,
Until you come and sit awhile with me.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.
You raise me up, so I can stand on mountains;
You raise me up, to walk on stormy seas;
I am strong, when I am on your shoulders;
You raise me up: To more than I can be.

Chicken noodle soup

I think I need a good sized pot full of this soup. I had all 5 kids to the drs office on Monday. Anthony has strep throat. Brittany has strep throat and an ear infection. Brooke has bag congestion and an ear infection. Megan has just congestion, but tonight she said her ear hurts and is beeping at her. I'm sure it's infection. Nathan now has bronchitis, a sinus infection and a yeast infection from his strep throat meds from last week. I sure hope this is it.

Happy Birthday to Charlie!!!
He's the big 3-1 today. I have a few more years until I'm in my 30's. I don't think I'm concerned about it. Even at my age, Charlie will always be older. He comes home tomorrow. Tonight he's going out to dinner with his dad and his dads girlfriend. It sure sucks I'm not there. I guess we'll do something this weekend though.

Brittany is on the phone right now with her little friend. She thinks that's the cool thing this week. We'll probably need a second phone line in no time. Well that's it for me right now. I have ot kill the kids.