If you can't convince them, confuse them

Wednesday, March 30, 2005


So I've started to take this medicine the Dr gave me. Whoa baby do I feel loopy. My head hurts, my tongue feels swollen and I am almost put into a drunken stupor and feel out of it and very tired. I'm taking it now at night because it knocks me out. The last two days? I've only been sleeping. I hope that by taking it at night I'm ok. If not the Dr said to call her and we'll change the medicine. Cool. Whatever works right?

Anthony has started baseball. Blah. Their practices are at 8:00 at night. I'm not sure how I feel about the coach yet. He seems prick'ish almost. Anthony seems to be enjoying himself though and that's cool. He has practice tomorrow at 7:45 and Friday from 6:00-8:00 and then saturday from 12-1. Whew, we'll be busy!

the kids have been off of school all week. Its allowed me to get some work done around the yard. I planted African Daisys around the mailbox today.They are so pretty. Theres a picture I took of them. Kind of cool huh? The temp today was 79 degrees! Super nice. Tomorrow it's supposed to be 83. I can't wait.

We've been trying to officially potty train Nathan. I'm convinced he'll wear diapers until he is about 10? LOL Good lord how hard IS this child going to be?

Anyhow.. I'm outta here. I have to go get ready for American Idol. BTW~ Carrie rules.
Oh also??? I still love Boston Rob. He's not only kicking their asses but he's making it look soo easy too. Way to go Rob!

Sunday, March 27, 2005

Happy Easter!

Well, it's easter morning 7:00am. I'm pretty tired. I couldn't sleep because I was so stressed that I wouldn't wake up to put out the candy. I didn't really get them much for Easter this year. I hate the candy!

Yesterday we planted a bunch of trees around the yard. Charlie had to have a freaking Weeping Willow tree. I do NOT want a weeping willow tree in my front yard, but, I lost! We planted a few Bradford pears down the side of our house and 2 little Carolina Jasmine vines along our fence. Hopefully, it will look like we actually live here soon LOL

I don't have a lot to write right now. I'm kind of blank.. so I'll write more later.

Wednesday, March 02, 2005

Count your blessings.

3 years ago today my little guy almost died. As you all know Brooke is autistic. I had a cabinet that had tons of small things on top of it. (chewy candy, bottle caps, lids, change, etc) I decided I would try to sew a dress for my girls (that's the first problem LOL) and I was sitting at the table with the sewing machine. I heard the crash. I ran in and Brooke had climbed up the cabinet and it dumped over on her. She was fine. I first picked things up and then had a good talk with Brooke. I was concentrating on her and trying to get through her head that you can't climb etc and it can hurt you etc. Those of you with autistic children know the fearless energy these children often have. I will say with 110% knowledge I didn't even pay attention to the baby. I was so focused on Brooke and teaching her this. I heard Nathan gasp. It was the most god awful noise I've ever head in my whole life. I knew immediately that he was choking and called to my son to call 911. My kids were little, gosh, hmmm Ant must have been 8, Brooke would have been 4? Megan would have been 3 and we had a new puppy that was about 12 weeks? Anyhow.. Nathan was choking so horrible.I tried the Heimlich. I was doing everything 911 said to do yet his chest kept getting flatter and flatter. His lips were turning blue, and he began to throw up blood. I was home by myself and my husband was at some job training place about an hour or more away. I remember just knowing my baby was going to die and how was I going to tell my husband. It took 911 12 minutes to get someone to my house. At that point my son was pretty lethargic but still breathing.

When they came in I immediately called my best friend and asked her to come to come get my kids. I didn't say why I just hung up. I remember being upset that the firefighter people weren't doing anything! They were just giving him oxygen. Why weren't they helping? I didn't even have fear initially I felt embarrassed. I thought Gosh he's choking, ill call 911 to help me.. they will come get it out and I will feel like a bad mom but he'll be fine. When my "plan" unraveled I began to panic. The ambulance got there and they took him out. Oh my God! They didn't even ask me his name. They don't even know his name! Why that stressed me out is beyond me. Nathan was only 14 months old. I forgot to tell ya that. We went to put him in the ambulance and I went to get in. They told me no. that they were going to life flight him. I remember falling to the ground screaming. my oldest came out and was crying and I screamed at him to go inside because I didn't want him to see his brother die. I just can't forgive myself for the way I reacted. I mean... I know it wasn't my "fault" he choked, but, as a mom? I freaked. I totally lost it. I screamed and cussed at the 911 lady. I am sure I freaked my son out a billion times with fear.

My friends husband drove me to the hospital. No one would tell me anything and they put me in an isolated room. Isolated rooms are NOT good! We had to call the state police to find my husband who was on the road in between Harrisburg and York, Pa.. They did find him and brought him straight to the hospital. I'm not writing this very good I know. My hands are shaking. I should probably stop writing it but I want to talk about I want to remember it and make others know how quickly something can happen. How thankful you need to be for ever day. I didn't even want this baby. My marriage was going down hill, we were talking about divorce on and off and I ended up getting pregnant. We weren't even having sex. If I had put it on the calendar I could have told you the exact day because it was that rare.. when I found out I was pregnant so crushed. And now.. this is my payback. this was Gods way of letting me know I didn't deserve this baby.

The Drs wouldn't come in. A few nurses came to the room every so often to see how I was. they wouldn't give me updates. They kept asking me where my husband was. I was sure they were waiting for him to get there to tell me he had died. Scott stayed with me the whole time at the hospital. He was such a strong rock for me. They wouldn't let me see him. After about 2 hours they finally let me back to see him. Some nurse was holding him upright in a chair with a Styrofoam cup for oxygen I guess it worked as a mask? heck I don't know. When he breathed in his eyes would roll to the back of his head-- I lost it. Fell to the floor and almost passed out. I will never forgive myself for being a horrible mom. How on earth did I let some other woman hold my baby? How did I not be strong enough to be there with him. HE was alone and I was sooo weak. Those are the things that eat me up.

This is really getting lengthy huh. Ok Ill wrap it up I guess. In the end they did emergency surgery. He had choked on a bottle cap. IT was the top nozzle to a spray called "bitter Apple" . I can't tell you how quickly it can happen. The cap was huge. It almost cost me my son's life. He has some delays due to the lack of oxygen he had. But ya know what? he's here! I wrote the people an email today that drove me the hospital. I just feel like I should do more. I can't tell you enough how important it is to learn the Heimlich. I didn't know it. Please value every day you have with your children. I can't believe I ever had doubts about this baby. He's a complete joy to my life. He's a constant smile and he's got the strongest energy around him.

Tuesday, March 01, 2005

Drop it like it's hot...

ok I confess... This song makes me feel like I have spunk. Sadly--- I Don't. Ha! I am the follow up to the movie white men can't jump.......... this sequel is called.. "White girl can't dance". I Just can't. I can't even half way pretend to bop my head at the right time, move my butt, my hips, my shoulders. Huh? How does Charlie make this look so easy. I've always always hated dancing! John used to go out dancing and he'd drag me with him. I'd be on the side drinking my drink. Ahhhh drinking.. Yes. I was good at that. Pick the cup up, sip it to look girlie or just down it and not care. Either way I was happy. But to dance? I'd get all happy to hear a song. Woooo!! This is a good song... and I'd start kinda moving.. and then someone would look at me. It might have been just a coincidence that they accidentally looked at me while trying to look passed me. Nope. Sorry. Now I've stopped. I'm not dancing. Don't mind me. I'll be over here talking. I'm a talker. I've always found it easy to engage in conversation. I have a lot of strong opinions and I love to hear other peoples opinions. I often play devils advocate. Not because I don't agree with what the other person is saying, not because I think they are wrong but I love that "other point of view'..I'm a lot like my mom when it comes to being friendly.

Speaking of being friendly... I've been trying to help get information around for the 10 year high school reunion. Isn't that funny? I'm planning my 10 year high school reunion at the same time I'm planning my sons 11th birthday party. Whoa. Something isn't right there! LOL My girlfriends are just starting to have their kids. HA! When their little kid is ready to go to kindergarten? My son will be old enough to drive them there! I love it! Anyhow, back to my thoughts. I talked to a few people yesterday and it felt soooooo good! In kindergarten the first boy I ever kissed was Jody Bennett. I actually trapped him in the BOYS bathroom and kissed him. In first grade, my first boyfriend was Jay Haug. We used to hold hands under the reading table. I also made my best friend in kindergarten. Jessy. We lived across the street from each other. Well, in our neighborhood there was Jessy, Me, Justin, Joe, Jay, Shannon and Jackie. Jackie died on TWA Flt 800. How sad! Shannon got held back a grade... and come to think of it, so did Jackie. (I know that's not how she spelled her name but I forget how she spelled it. Jacque? I think?) Anyhow... We were allllllllll best friends. We'd play games, we'd make tree clubs. I remember Jess and I owned the tree club. You had to pay money to get into the tree. So we charged the boys. Well, Justin pissed me off one day and started ripping the leaves off of the tree.. blah! That's it. He's gone! I started to charge him 10 cents for every leaf gone. That tree club lasted a day. We'd play tag, hide and seek, ride bikes, play "Drive-thru" you name it we did. Forever we lived there. In 5th grade.... Jody Bennett moved in. He started a fight with Justin on his first day. Ha! I wouldn't have it. I was sooo tomboyish. I threw my bike down and I was ready to have a smackdown (white girls saying smackdown doesn't work. Oh wait I think it's throw down? anyhow) I was ready to fight! I whooped that boys ass!!! And ever since? We've been best friends. I know I've totally strayed from the point.

I talked to Jody and Jay this week about the reunion. I'm still close with Jody and he'll always be my brother. We even took him to the beach with us (we took Justin too) We were just always together. It was sooo good talking to them! I miss that. I've never gotten along with girls. Not because I can't. I just don't seem to click with them. I'm not into worrying about buying a "Coach" bag or a LV bag. I don't give a rats ass what type of crystal any of yall have. We use plastic. It's safest! I just love runnin' with da boys! I don't know what this reunion will be like but I am excited to see people I haven't seen in ages. Of course, Ill be the fat one with all of the kids, but that's ok LOL HAHAHHAHA As I typed that? I just paid attention to the fact that I was shoving a girl scout cookie in my mouth. What the fuck. At this point? Who cares LOL

I'm outta here. I have to close this site or I'll eat this whole box of cookies. They are the original type. Shortbread. mmmmmmmmmmm these are my FAVORITE type of cookie!